I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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