she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I intend to get homeless drunk
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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