ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
