we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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