I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
