so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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