Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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