You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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