tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
