I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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