Her vagina should come with caution tape.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
