Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
