i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
