I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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