I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize