i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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