fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
