I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
