the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
