Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
