I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
