she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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