Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
