we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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