Swine flu is the new snow day.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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