do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
