i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
