She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
