I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
