Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
