Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
