Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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