oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
