the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
