Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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