just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
