Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
