UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
