My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize