Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
