my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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