Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
