the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
