Grow some girl-balls and come out already
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
