If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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