when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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