i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
