my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
