is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
