"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
