I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
