$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
