Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
