My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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