you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Pants are for mortals
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
