Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
