When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
