sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
