i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he was CRYING into my vagina
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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