dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I understand Curling. That high.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
