...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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