whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
don't judge my taste in strippers
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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