I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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