Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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