All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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