Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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