so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
