i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
