i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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