Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
