The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
