I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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