I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
