Will you blow on my dice?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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