Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
