he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
