I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
