Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Quick, to the slutcave!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
