look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
