She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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