dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize