"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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