census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
