It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize