What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
