you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Come home... Iām drinking and playing with knives
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