i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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