I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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