There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
