she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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