I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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