There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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