for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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