Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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