The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
