You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We were destined to go to rehab together
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
you never un-have a 4some
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
