I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Congratulations! We have a period
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