Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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