I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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