Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
