dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize