THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
