I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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